Giving birth is one of the most painful, intimate, and personal experiences a woman could have. As such, the pregnant lady gets to lay down the law in that delivery room, no questions asked, full stop. One would think a veteran nurse would be understanding of this unwritten law, but one has never had a veteran nurse as an incredibly pushy, salty, and overbearing mother-in-law. The MIL of this story is nothing short of a monster, and if you don’t agree then seek therapy DON’T @ ME.
Writer Nicole Cliffe is good at Twitter and often shares pieces of advice found on the Internet to her account. Upon reading the following question posted to Slate‘s Dear Prudence, her jaw hit the proverbial floor and she proceeded to tweet about its unparalleled outlandishness in all caps.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) February 6, 2018
The complaint, sent in by the very wounded ‘second-class grandma,’ comes down to the fact that her daughter-in-law only wants her husband and her own mother in the room during her delivery, as opposed to her husband, her own mother, and also her mother-in-law.
My son, Steven, and daughter-in-law, Julia, are expecting their first child and our first grandchild next month. I had what I thought was a good relationship with Julia, but I find myself devastated. Julia has decided only Steven and her mother will be allowed in the delivery room when she gives birth. I was stunned and hurt by the unfairness of the decision and tried to plead with her and my son, but Julia says she “wouldn’t feel comfortable” with me there. I reminded her that I was a nurse for 40 years, so there is nothing I haven’t seen. I’ve tried to reason with Steven, but he seems to be afraid of angering Julia and will not help. I called Julia’s parents and asked them to please reason with their daughter, but they brusquely and rather rudely got off the phone. I’ve felt nothing but heartache since learning I would be banned from the delivery room. Steven told me I could wait outside and I would be let in after Julia and the baby are cleaned up and “presentable.” Meanwhile, Julia’s mother will be able to witness our grandchild coming into the world. It is so unfair.
I’ve always been close to my son, but I no longer feel valued. I cannot bring myself to speak to Julia. I’m being treated like a second-class grandmother even though I’ve never been anything but supportive and helpful. How can I get them to see how unfair and cruel their decision is?
Cliffe, along with Slate’s Prudie and the rest of the world, probably, was truly appalled at the gall of this insane MIL. First of all, SHE CALLED HER DAUGHTER IN LAW’S PARENTS?!
Apparently, this is a fairly common MIL tactic?
This about sums up MIL-zillas complaint:
As for Prudie, she had this to say:
You can’t! You shouldn’t! You are entirely in the wrong! I say this in the hopes that, after the initial flush of indignation fades, you will be braced and supported by the realization that you have been acting badly and that you need to change. It’s difficult to admit when one’s been wrong, but there’s nothing quite so clarifying as figuring out how to do better.
Your daughter-in-law is giving birth, which is a pretty difficult, painful, and intimate process. She has every right to plan ahead for just how many people she wants to be in the room for that. This is not about you. You are going to get to see your grandchild the day they are born. You will get to be in your grandchild’s life for as long as you live. Nothing is being taken from you. You are not being snubbed. Your daughter-in-law and your son are drawing a totally appropriate boundary, and you need to stop trying to argue with them about it. Frankly, I can see why they don’t want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and I’m a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.
Let this go. Do not rob this moment of its joy by keeping score and demanding more.
Amen, sis. This forever and ever: