Whenever you’re selling something online, you usually try to make it appealing for those who may want to buy it. Like, for example, when you’re selling a used car–you usually want to talk it up, claiming that it may be old, but it runs well, is reliable, still has its first coat of paint, etc.
One guy, however, who is trying to sell his 1999 Toyota Corolla has decided to take a completely different route when trying to sell his very old, very used vehicle. The car, which he’s selling for $2500 in Houston, Texas, is old as sh*t, but, basically made of steel. Instead of pretending it’s in “great condition” and “looks brand new,” the guy was 150% honest and, quite frankly, hilarious.
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let’s talk about features.
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope…but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car’s got history. It’s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts: This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey. In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.” When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary “Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla”
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”
Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
The ad has since been taken down after it went pretty viral across the web. But, Twitter couldn’t stop laughing as soon as they got their hands on it.
The Fine AF 1999 Toyota Corolla, wasn’t going to put this on twitter but the guy took it off of Craig’s list so I felt the need to keep the story alive😂 pic.twitter.com/7Pbrayqn58
— Brendan Tokarski (@btredwing98) April 23, 2018
The rear view camera line kills me pic.twitter.com/1b37FykmZC
— Slick Rick (@Adi___Jay) April 24, 2018
First of all, I fucking died reading that and secondly, this is the best piece of l literature I have read 😂
— Mak_Zurrah (@MZurrah) April 24, 2018
I’m sold. 😂 pic.twitter.com/b9qPsTisIn
— Stephen (@Kasasser) April 24, 2018
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.” pic.twitter.com/jQC7Uxw7hn
— Shataki (@shataki) April 24, 2018
I don’t think I’ve ever legitimately outburst laughing like this in a public setting ever, 10/10 comedy here
— 🍪 (@asian_privilege) April 24, 2018
$2,500 it was a steal of a deal the ad alone was worth that much😂😂
— Brendan Tokarski (@btredwing98) April 24, 2018
People also claimed that the 1999 Corolla did ride like a damn boss.
FR this car is the best A-B car ever. Year 1990 under 60k miles. $20 for gas lasts forever. Love this car. pic.twitter.com/pDHqTz5EM9
— MikeyWizard (@MikeyWizard_) April 24, 2018
Toyota makes little tanks, don’t they?
— Typer of Words (@storytellr2002) April 24, 2018
I had a 2000 Toyota Corolla and it rode like A Dream! 😀 $20 worth of gas would get you from Houston to Dallas – and you'd have change left over for snacks. I put gas in so rarely, I'd forget what side the gas cap was on. I drove it from TX to NY snow & back without a care! 💯
— Professor S Schwartz (@TheProfSchwartz) April 24, 2018
People may laugh but it's very true. The 1999 Toyota Corolla was a mistake by the manufacturer because they forgot to add the time obsolescence feature. No matter what you do to this car, it cannot die. In fact, if you get into an accident at 90mph, you will die but the car won't
— Jappleng (@Jappleng) April 24, 2018
I loved my 99 Corolla. It was great and I am sure it’s out there somewhere living better than me.
— R King (@rking7066) April 24, 2018
Ladies, please, I implore you. For your own safety, go with the Toyota Corolla.
— Conrad HC (@conradhc) April 24, 2018
The fact that I drive this car depresses the hell out of me 😂😂
— Jay (@RonaldxSoul) April 24, 2018